Internet Predictions for 2014 that didn't make it

Posted on Sat 25 January 2014 in Random

  • Bitcoin finally crashes forcing the Winklevoss twins to play themselves in a movie where viewers can watch a hooded Jessie Eisenberg slowly turn pale and descend to evil ala the Emperor from Star Wars.
  • The UK's porn blocking bill forces teens to re-learn the lost art of the forged parental signature. Mass confusion arises when it's discovered the unblock has already been requested by Dad. Millions of shame-filled Dads are suddenly forced to claim to be major supporters of net-neutrality leading Anonymous membership numbers to swell with 'red-faced' Dads who 'can totally hack' as they 'once set-up the DVD player without the manual'.
  • "Oh, I deleted my facebook account" becomes the new most annoying smug response, finally replacing "Oh I got rid of my TV ages ago".
  • Social networks embrace 3d printing and inadvertently bring about a new era(and dimension) to the sending of unrequested dick-picks. Perverts rejoice.
  • Finally, Anonymous give up trying to circumvent NSA spying using encryption and instead attempt to fill social networks with pointless content using automated bots, hoping to overrun the NSA data capturing systems in an operation codenamed, 'Clogged Pipes'. The bots strategies include retweeting infographics from 2011 and using trending topics as a call to arms to post inane 'me too' style tweets. Surprisingly the overall quality of content actually increases due to the bot's basic understanding of grammar.